Top 5 tips for wild camping

Wild camping is the art of camping without a campsite - and not a bed tv show of campers on spring break. 

That means no toilets, no power and probably no other person for miles around.

Wild camping is hard work but a very rewarding thing to do. It's get back to nature reality and the best way to find a little peace in an all too hectic world. 

It isn't without risk though so be careful, be a boyscout, be prepared.

5. Research

4. Equipment

3. Food and Water

2. Location

1. Direction

5. Research

So, you want to wild camp, but where can you do it? The easiest way to find out is to visit one of the many useful websites out there - a quick Google search will enable you to find one for your location. 

 Make sure you find out about the laws relating to wild camping for your area and abide by them. 

4. Equipment

You will need a tent (or bivvy if you're hardcore!) a good backpack (preferably with rain cover), sturdy water-proof boots, possibly with gaiters to stop your trousers getting wet, a change of clothes, trowel or small shovel, pocket knife, 2m of string and a torch. 

3. Food and Water

Ample food is important and the meal in a bag variety that you get from camping shops is perfect for the job (which is probably why camping shops sell them!).

 Energy bars or beef jerky style products are ideal for snacking on during the long days of hiking so take plenty - and don't eat them all at once! 

 Water is most important. Don't rely on there being water where you go even if you know the area as things sometimes change. Take more than you think you'll need and make sure any companions do the same - thinking you have enough and then having to share with others is demoralising.

4. Location

It's wise , for your first few trips at least, to chose a path someone has trodden before. Find information for a route from the internet and if possible pick a 2 or 3 day maximum route. Make sure you have the relevant maps with contour detailing and go over your route carefully. 

1. Direction

Take a GPS, some may feel it's cheating but it really isn't and is a godsend in an emergency. Make sure you take spare batteries. Take a compass too, and know how to use it. It's no use knowing where north is if you can't work out where you are.

Top 5 tips for camping

Just a quick list of things I find useful when camping on campsites. I'll post some tips on extreme camping soon. But for now, here they are;

5. Entertainment

4. Tent

3. Illumination

2. Food

1. Essentials

5. Entertainment

Make sure you have plenty with you because there will doubtless be a few days where you're stuck on a campsite with nothing to do. Books are great, as are puzzle books. You can't go wrong with a deck of cards either both for games and also for building card houses (not good as alternatives to tents). 

4. Tent

Don't be fooled by the makers claims; a two man tent is not a two man tent - unless you happen to be on very good terms with the other man... so much so that you don't mind his elbow in your face all night.

So, unless you are hardcore camping then two people should be looking at four man tents at minimum, and so on. This will allow enough room for everyone and your things too. A preferred technique when camping with a smelly person or unwanted midnight spooner is to place your belongings down the centre of the tent.

3. Illumination

An LED lamp is a must. Most will last for well over 24 hours of continuous use, so you shouldn't have to worry about it crapping out on you. It also advisable to take a torch or two for night time trips to the bathroom and reading without annoying your friends too much.

2. Food

Fry ups and barbeques are the main stay of the camping world so don't forget an ice box to keep meat in. For a quick breakfast I recommend ready made pancake mix to keep you going until lunch. 

1. String

Always carry 2 metres of string or rope when camping in the bush. It has a multitude of uses and  it is always reassuring to have with you. 

Top 5 uses for old plastic bottles

"You're drinking far too many fizzy drinks - you really should cut down!" they say.

 But, "ah," you say, "I use the bottles for other things."

"Like what," says they.

" Like these 5 things." says you.

 And that is how you win that discussion.

5. Vase

4. Ice block

3. Funnel

2. Skittles

1. Money box

5. Vase

An oldie but a goodie. Simply pop the flower through the neck of the bottle and you have an instant vase - and if there's more than one flower you just cut the neck off at a point where it's wide enough. Just add water.

4. Ice block

This was covered in my (ways to cool off) tip section but it is a genuine use so I am re-stating it here. Fill the empty bottle with drinking water - not too full because water expands as it freezes - and then stick it in the freezer. There you have a free ice block - and unlike those little blue ones you can buy, you can actually drink the lovely cold water once it defrosts. Double whammy!

3. Funnel

I generally associate this tip with cars as that's how I use it - so that's how I'll describe it's use. If you find yourself in need of topping up your oil it can be a messy old business. Just cut the top off an old bottle and invert it and hey-presto! You've just made yourself a very useful funnel.

2. Skittles

Take 10 empty bottles, put dirt or something similar in them to way them down - be careful if you have kids who're likely to try and drink from them though - and paint in lovely colours. Then throw a ball at them. But remember, the heavier the ball, the better it is to do this outside.

1.Money box

A useful device for collecting small change or as a means of collecting specific change necessary for pool tables or other such entertainments. 

It obviously helps if the opening is big enough for coins but otherwise cutting a slot in the top helps. If you need easy access to the coins then cutting the whole top off may be the only option.

But most people want to save coins without spending, so a slot may suffice - and painting your bottle with lovely designs, such as a diorama of the life of a yak, helps mask how much is in there and avoid the temptation to raid it.

Top 5 ways of beating the financial crisis - humorous?!?

Thought I better add the 'humorous' tag just in case any desperate share dealers are looking for salvation and turn to here - which is usually filled with slightly more useful tips than these (I said slightly!). I originally wrote these as an article for the ever so funny website, Wittypedia and thought I'd include them here for your viewing pleasure. You can read the full article, and many other funny articles, by clicking here.


5. Tip for the unemployed
4. Tip for office workers
3. Tip for keeping happy
2. Tip for begging
1. Tip for philanthropists

5. Tip for the unemployed
If you are unemployed... remain unemployed. Otherwise you risk the very real possibility of losing your job in the near future.

4.Tip for office workers
If you have an office job make sure that you reorganise all the files in an order only you know, thus making you indispensible.

3. Tip for keeping happy
Charge your mp3 player while you can still afford electricity and then listen to Bobby McFerrin's 'don't worry, be happy' over and over again - this should keep you upbeat - at least until the battery goes dead.

2.Tip for begging
Write to your neighbourhood billionaire (everyone's got one) and ask him for just 0.01% of his fortune in return for you dressing like a 19th century chimney sweep for his entertainment.

1. Tip for philanthropists
Donate your savings to the good people at COJ before you have none left! This will make you feel better about yourself, will definitely make me feel better about myself (as I'll be able to get that 58" plasma TV I want) and may in fact be the act that secures you your rightful place in whatever COJ's idea of an afterlife may be.

Top 5 ways to avoid work - whilst at work

'Please blog on the top 5 ways to avoid work whilst at work, thanks.' - Tao

At the request of one of my many loyal followers (hi you two!),I now present to you my suggestions for avoiding doing work whilst at work. As always, I invite your comments and ideas, and will add any great ones to the bottom of this blog. 

Warning: Some of these tips are pretty advanced - and all come with the down side of possibly being fired, so use with caution;

5. The concentrated stare

4. Tea break/smoke break

3. Complementary laziness

2. The retrace

1. The power talk

5. The concentrated stare

A method whereby you stare at what you are supposed to be doing with such intensity that it appears you are doing it or at least considering all your options so thoughtfully that it would be rude to disturb you. Can be combined with slow arm movements to give the impression of actual work being done.

4. Tea break/smoke break

A hard one to pull off but if you are skilled you can drag a 5-10 minute break out for at least 30 minutes. The trick to this is to look like you've only just arrived in the kitchen/smoking area each time someone new comes in. So, always try to look like you're waiting for the kettle to boil or about to light your cigarette.

3. Complementary laziness

The art of getting others to do your work by lavishing them with compliments. Another tricky one to get right but sometimes mentioning to a colleague how much the boss liked the way they did a certain task is enough motivation to get them to do it.

2. The retrace

Being faster at tasks than your boss expects is always a good idea but can also be an easy way to be lazy. To truly harness this as a means to avoiding work you must first work hard in a concentrated manner to complete your work as fast as possible. You can then spend the remainder of the day relaxing, and simply retracing what you did so that if anyone looks in you can give the appearance of being hard at work. 

Warning: The retrace only works for certain job situations and may actually make you feel like you are working all the time anyway - so use sparingly.

1. The power  talk

The single most useful tip for avoiding work in any work situation is to engage your boss in conversation. This can be done whenever they pass by your work station or at any meetings you have with them. Finding out what they are interested in or what they have done and then asking questions about it is a sure fire way to a nice relaxing half hour or so. 

Most bosses are egocentric and will happily talk about themselves for a long time - and are obviously less likely to complain about your lack of working if they are intimately involved in distracting you.