Top 5 ways to avoid work - whilst at work

'Please blog on the top 5 ways to avoid work whilst at work, thanks.' - Tao

At the request of one of my many loyal followers (hi you two!),I now present to you my suggestions for avoiding doing work whilst at work. As always, I invite your comments and ideas, and will add any great ones to the bottom of this blog. 

Warning: Some of these tips are pretty advanced - and all come with the down side of possibly being fired, so use with caution;

5. The concentrated stare

4. Tea break/smoke break

3. Complementary laziness

2. The retrace

1. The power talk

5. The concentrated stare

A method whereby you stare at what you are supposed to be doing with such intensity that it appears you are doing it or at least considering all your options so thoughtfully that it would be rude to disturb you. Can be combined with slow arm movements to give the impression of actual work being done.

4. Tea break/smoke break

A hard one to pull off but if you are skilled you can drag a 5-10 minute break out for at least 30 minutes. The trick to this is to look like you've only just arrived in the kitchen/smoking area each time someone new comes in. So, always try to look like you're waiting for the kettle to boil or about to light your cigarette.

3. Complementary laziness

The art of getting others to do your work by lavishing them with compliments. Another tricky one to get right but sometimes mentioning to a colleague how much the boss liked the way they did a certain task is enough motivation to get them to do it.

2. The retrace

Being faster at tasks than your boss expects is always a good idea but can also be an easy way to be lazy. To truly harness this as a means to avoiding work you must first work hard in a concentrated manner to complete your work as fast as possible. You can then spend the remainder of the day relaxing, and simply retracing what you did so that if anyone looks in you can give the appearance of being hard at work. 

Warning: The retrace only works for certain job situations and may actually make you feel like you are working all the time anyway - so use sparingly.

1. The power  talk

The single most useful tip for avoiding work in any work situation is to engage your boss in conversation. This can be done whenever they pass by your work station or at any meetings you have with them. Finding out what they are interested in or what they have done and then asking questions about it is a sure fire way to a nice relaxing half hour or so. 

Most bosses are egocentric and will happily talk about themselves for a long time - and are obviously less likely to complain about your lack of working if they are intimately involved in distracting you.